This post shall be my ranting post. so, scram if you don't want to waste your next 5minutes reading this.

Today, I did the most stupid thing that I'll never ever do in my life. But, I did it today. ._.

I cried infront of everbody. Not a few tears, but literally just crying.

Drowned myself with music from Ipodt. I didn't even know how loud I cried .

It last for a freaking 1hr I guess.

I've never felt so... helpless and hopeless before. seriously.

I've lost my confidence. 

I don't understand why doc would say all this. I mean, my tests always improves for these few months.

This week d deprove by 0.1 only. and he can crush all my hopes,confidence and everything.

I set aside so many fking days to go back to kk. To have counselling done . To have __ ____ taken .

The docs and nurses were so friendly . Especially Joyce jiejie . ( not joyce chua, =] )

Eric, valerie, sky kor, kelly jiejie and xin jie. they never failed to make me smile and laugh while

poking needle into my skin. :] .

__  was my doc since 3 yrs old. He was sooo, nice and ambitious or however you spelt it.

Other than milking cow, being a doc who sees ___ patients was one of my choice as well when i was young .

But today, i was very disappoint and hurt by him. Not only did he crashed my hopes, he crash my confidence for myself too.

I don't know how to face you anymore doc. :l ...

I think today was the 1st time you see my cry right infront of you. you must be taken aback.

I used to force a smile when i was about to cry, infront of my friends, parents, everybody.

Today i really got hurt. i cried. infront of you. the 2 new pretty nurse and xin jiejie.

I think what you said is right. I don't think i deserve a life.

I should just vanish from this world. I think others will be happy.

You will have one less patient . you won't feel so stress anymore .

you said i didn't accept the fact that i was diagnose with blablabla .

let me ask you. if i didn't accept, why the hell would i care to come for blood tests. results?

i skipped sch, band for checkups. the dm even called and ask if i was okay . i had to explain...

you hurt me alot.

im giving up on myself le i guess.. no more confidence to continue. hopes failed.

goodbye me.. idw to care for anything abt .. anymore.

just . let . it . be .

it's god decision . this .. is for a lifetime .

I fell down on tues.. I forced a smile& said I'm alright although it hurt like so fking much.
It's worst then my habit of peeling my skin..
Well, it's 'not so' pain now. But it still hurts when i walk. :\
alrights, I don't wanna post so much about my stuff now hehe... Don't have the mood :x
I'm just gonna kill some time now ... so, here's some 'quiz' i ripped from others/ they tag me. LOL .

A -ABC About you questions :
A - About Myself : I'm very, very very sensitive (:
B - Born On : 3rd feb .
C - Coffee Or Chocolate? :  Depends on my mood . I would prefer coffee . :\
D - Drink? : Coke zero ~~~
E - EyeColour? : Black obviously .
F - Fav Colours ? : Black, pink, white.
G - Gummy Bears Or Gummy Worms ? : Gummy bears
H - HomeTown : Woodlands
I - In ♥ With : Baby :D
J -Joking ? : ??? wth?
K -Kid With Someone ? : not sure .
L -Long Marathon ? : no please -.- i can't run when im like this now .
M -Married ? : attached . :]
N - Noisy ? : huh?
O - One Wish : to have infinity wishes.
P - Person i Called Last ? : kahyee, section leader .
R - Race : Chinese
S - Singer : LADY GAGA!
T - Time I Woke Up : 9+ .
U - Understanding ? : hmm?
V - Veggies ? : hmm..
W -What I Doing ? : killing time
X - X-Rays I Had ? : 2times when i was young (:
Y - You Into Relationships ? : obvious?
Z - Zodiac Sign : moooooo .

done . next .


1. The rules of the game gets posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting Time : 1836

Name : Michelle

Sisters : none

Brothers : none

Shoe size : 36?

Height : 149

Where do you live : Singapore, woodlands .

Favourite Drinks : Coke zero . :\

Favourite breakfast : Cereal w milk

Have you ever :

Been on a plane: Yea

Swam in a ocean : uhrms, play in the ocean. no swim (:

Fallen asleep at school : Yea

Broken Someone's heart : Maybe?

Fell off your chair : yeahs . hehe . @_@

Waited for someone to call : obviously . :\

Saved emails : yes !!

What is your room like : it's messy ^^

What's right beside you : stitch, mouse and a beanbag .

What is the last thing you ate : Ice .

Ever had:

Chicken pox : yeaps

Sore throat : of course -.-

Stitches : yeah

Broken nose : no .

Do you believe in love at first sight : not really la, last time i do, now no. .-.

Like picnics : yeaps . love it when there's alot of people with you there too . :D

Who was/were the last person you danced with : i don't dance sorry .

Last made you smile : baby :p

You last yelled at : some assholic mf

Today did you...

Talk to someone you like : yes ;x

Kissed anyone : nope .

Get sick : no .

Talk to an ex : yes .

Miss someone : yeah

Eat : yeap .

Best feeling in the world : walking by the seashore .

Do you sleep with stuffed animals : uhrm, is stitch and eyore counted as animals..?

What's under your bed : no idea.

Who do you really hate : Bitches backstabbers flirters and MF.

What time is it now : 1842

Random?!

Is there a person who is on your mind now : Yeah .

Do you have any siblings : nope .

Do you want children : dunno -.-

Do you smile often : i think so .

Do you like your hand-writing : not really

Are your toe nails painted : nope .

Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in : I like mine d best sorry :x

What color shirt are you wearing now : It's white .

What were you doing at 7.00 p.m. : probably dead of boredness .

When did you cry last : forgot le .

Are you friendly : I think not :/

Do you have any pets :  yeap .

Did you hold hands with the person who mean anything to you now : not nw . but yeah .

Do you sleep with the TV on : When im young ^^

What are you doing right now : killing time...

Have you ever crawled through a window : yes .

Are you closer to your mother or father : none i guess .

Who was the last person you cried in front of : my domokun . :\

How many people can you say you've really loved : alot .

Do you eat healthy : i guess so .

Do you still have pictures of you & your ex : No . :p

Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you : sadly, yes .

If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to : domokun :/

5 things I was doing 10 years ago :

1) crying
2) laughing
3) running around
4) stealing candies
5) playing with darren and esther.

5 things on my to-do list today :
1) breathe.
2) Entertain myself -.-
3) Kill time - -
4) sleep .
5) finish up my stack of hwk.


5 snacks I enjoy :
I love pockys.
potatochipsmorepockyspopcornschickenpopcornsandanykindofsnacksthatyoucanthinkofrightnowcauseicantthinkofanything.

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire :
Shop.
Donate ......
idk..

done. next .


[x] Slept in class
[x] Talked in class
[x] Not seating at your own place in class
[x Scolded by a teacher
[x] Litter the classroom
[x] Did not do your homework at least 15 times
[x] Submitted your homework late at least 10 times
[x] Came late for school at least 10 times
[x] Brought/wore home clothes without school's permission
[x] Brought/wore jewellery to school
[x] Did not pay attention in class for at least 60% of the time
[x] Cried out "sian" or "wa lao wei" to the teacher
[ ] Plucked a flower/ killed a plant
[x] Copied other people's homework in desperation
[x] Played a trick on your classmates/teacher

Total so far: 14

Level 2:

[x] Sent for detention class
[x] Ate in class
[x] Not wearing your school uniform (if you have) properly
[x] Shouted at the top of your voice during lesson time
[x] Scolding vulgarities in class
[x] Spotted hairstyle deemed unacceptable by the school
[x] Used a school facility without school's permission
[x] Played soccer/basketball or any other sports in classroom
[ ] Singing loudly during lesson
[x] Walking around the class aimlessly during lesson time
[x] Did not greet the teacher properly
[x] Went to the toilet during lesson time without permission
[x] Played a trick on the teacher during april fools
[x] Used the teacher's table as a rubbish dump
[x] Made yourself a nuisance to the teacher

Total so far: 14 + 14= 28 .

Level 3:

[x] Was asked to stay back after school/ break time
[x] Made a fool out of morning assembly
[ ] Wasted the school's toilet paper
[x] Sabotaged someone
[x] Irritated someone

Total so far: 28 + 4 = 32 .


Level 4:

[x] Forged your parent's signature
[ ] Forged a classmate's signature
[ ] Forged a teacher's signature
[ ] Made rude remarks to the school cleaners in front of them
[x] Flew a paper aeroplane down from the school's highest store

Total so far : 32 + 2 = 34 .

Level 5:

[x] Fiddling with your handphone during lesson time
[ ] Played with your PSP in class
[x] Using school computer to play games without a teacher's permission
[x] Listened to music in school
[x] Messed with the teacher's pigeon hole

Total so far: 34 + 4 = 38 .

Level 6:

[x] Vandalising with school property
[ ] Tried to defame your school in public
[ ] Used the internet to scold teachers
[x] Fought with someone in school
[ ] Shoplifted in school

Total so far: 38 + 2 = 40 .

Level 7:

[x] Cheated in a test
[x] Cheated in a school examination
[ ] Cheated for your PSLE/ GCE 'O' or 'A' Level Examination
[x] Lied to your teacher
[ ] Played truancy for hall assemblies/ specific lessons

Total so far: 38 + 3 = 41 .

Level 8:

[ ] Took drugs in school
[ ] Smoked in school
[ ] Set fire to something in school
[x] Locked the teacher out of the classroom
[x] Played truancy just after coming to school just to take attendance

Total so far: 41 + 2 = 43 .

Level 9:

[ ] Refused to pay school fees
[ ] Cheated the school money
[ ] Stole things which belonged to the school
[x] Bullied someone in school
[x] Pranked called your school

Total so far: 43 + 2= 45 .

Level 10:

[x] Raised your voice/shouted against a student leader
[x] Raised your voice/shouted against a teacher
[x] Raised your voice/shouted against your discipline master/mistress
[ ] Raised your voice/shouted against your vice-principal
[x] Raised your voice/shouted against your principal (primary sch when i got into trouble -.-)

Total so far: 45 + 4 = 49 .



Level 11:

[ ] Brought weapons to the school
[ ] Brought real firearms to the school
[ ] Brought a real bomb to the school
[ ] Fired a real weapon in the school with the motive to frighten/kill
[ ] Dressed up as a terrorist in school

Grand total: 44 .

If you are between:
0-15 - I am a good student
16-20 - I am a good student but with occasional trouble
21-30 - I am an average student
31-40 - I am a bad student
41-50 - I am a very bad student
51-60 - I should have been caned by the discipline master
61-65 - I should have been expelled from school
66-75 - I should have been sent to a reformatory

I'm a very bad student @_@ . next plox .


1) What if the guy you liked, like you back ?
- He should take the first move lo .

2) When did you last drop your phone ?
- Yesterday -.-

3) Can money buy happiness ?
- No .

4) Do you think women should work or stay at home ?
- hmm . depends on themself lo . got rich hubby then dun need lo :P

5) Do you believe if you want something bad enough, you'll get it ?
- yes .

6) How many people do you trust 100 percent ?
- I have no idea.. maybe none...

7) How many times do you hit th snooze button in th morning ?
- Uhrm. I don't set alarms d hehe . cause have 2 human alarm clock edy LOL .

8) Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them ?
- yeahs .

9) Do you sleep with a fan on?
- Obvious .

10) How many people have you kissed who's name starts with a M ?
- none .

11) Have you told anybody you loved them today and meant it ?
- yeahs .

12) Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months ?
- lols , 060810 is our 4th month le . you think neh ?

13) How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids ?
- 25+ ?

14) Whose hand did you last hold ?
- Uhrm. Forget :p

15) What if you dropped your phone in a puddle ?
- assholic mf -.-

16) What is your mum saved as in your phone ?
- mommy

17) Do you know who your real friends are ?
- no..

18) Would you change your eye colour to blue ?
- no. I like my natural black colour eye . :x

19) Would you date a 13 year old at the age you are now ?
- why not?

20) Are you heartbreaker ?
- I think so...

21) Is it ever too late to apologise ?
- no .

22) Who was th last person who left your life and hurt you ?
- her.

23) Do you think things will change in th next few months ?
- yes . things will get better tomorrow .

24) Whats th last taste in your mouth ?
- sour . lemon juice . (:

25) Do you know any of your neighbours ?
- not really . black peepos . dun talk much . ;l

26) List three things near you :
- stitch, fan and handphone

27) What was th last thing you watched on TV ?
- ytd night d sixth sense .

28) What was th last thing you looked up in Google ?
- defination of dunno what word le

29) Is there snow on th ground where you are ?
- nono.)-:

30) Do you like when people play with your hair ?
- depends.

31) What colour is your hair ?
- black

32) Whats th last thing you AKWARD at ?
- dunno forget le .

33) Where is th person who have your heart ?
- ask my heart

34) What do you hear ?
- pokerface - lady gaga now . o-o

35) Congrats , you just had a baby boy ! What's his name ?
- er ? wtf  ?

36) What are you craving at the moment ?
- I wanna eat cold stuff ..

37) Are you in a complictaed relationship?
- nope

38) Who was th last person you said I love you to ?
- baby ?

39) Whats your favourite thing to do in summer ?
- go out duh .

40) Do you like silver or gold better ?
- silver ! :D

41) Would you ever dye your hair blonde ?
-  yes .

42) Whats th latest you've stayed up in th past week ?
- 2plus .

43) Is your birthday in less than 6 months?
- It's over . o-o

44) Would you consider yourself open-minded?
- yes . :D

45) Are you wearing anything that dont belong to you ?
- nope .

46) Do you hate ppl to call you when you're sleeping ?
- yes . haha .

47) What woke you up this morning?
- nothing .

48) Wher were you an hour ago ?
- sitting here wasting my life on something which i dun even know what it is .

49) Wat was th last drink you had ?
- lemon juice .

50) Have you ever felt like you literally needed someone?
- yes .

51) Did anything annoy you today ?
- yes .

52) If you could , would you punish th last person who held your hand ?
- no.

53) Know a secret ?
- yes .

54) If your ex was in trouble and you were th only one that could help him/her , would you?
- yes .

55) When was th last time you felt like crying?
- now .

56) Your bf/gf cheats on you. What do you do?
- idk.

57) What were you doing this morning at seven AM ?
- sleeping .

58) Do you have anything that belongs to a boyfriend or ex-boyfriend?
- yes .

59) What would you say if someone told you they were in love with your brother ?
- ... my bro? - - i dun have any bro LOL

60) How many kids do you want to have ?
- dunno.

61) This time last last year were you happier than now ?
- yes . obviously yes .

62) Have you ever been called a bitch ?
- yeap, by another bitch . lol .

63) When is th next time you will kiss someone on th lip ?
- not sure .

64) Have you ever had stitches?
- Yea.

65) Are you giving up on somone?
- no .

66) Do you spend more time on myspace or facebook ?
- facebook

67) Do you crack your knuckles ?
- no.

68) What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
- watching sixth sense

69 got eaten up by some hungry monster .


70) Your phone is ringing . It's your ex . What do you say ?
- hello?

71) I bet you miss somebody right now .
- yeah

72) Do you think you're wasting your time on th person you like?
- nope

73) Who's clothes are you wearing ?
- mine? -.,-

74) Do you wish things were different with someone ?
- yeahs

75) Are you easy to make mad ?
- yes .

76) Do you believe ex's can be friends ?
- Yea.

77) Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now ?
- yesh

78) Has a guy ever let you wear his jacket ?
- yeahs.. my ex .-.

79) How many percent are you crazy over him/her ?
- not tellinmg, it's a secret :p

80) have you ever kissed someone ?
- yesh .

I'm bored. ~_~ gonna go maple now . ciaos .

lalala, it's been ALMOST 1 month since I've blogged hehehe . :]
School reopen alr, so sad. :/ Okays, the outing for S9'09 on 22nd was one big success wahahhaa!
I think If I never remember wrongly, On the 20th, Jing and me went to the vista there d fairprice
to buy pockeys & marshmallows for chubby bunny game wahahhaa.

paid and went off. ^^ chiong-ed maple till 22nd, woke up at 9. prepared and headed down to
meet my helpers(LOL) ask keith and rishiiy to wait for me at civic's bridge but keith that dumbass
went to jing's house alone! -.-'' left poor rishiiy there waiting for me lmao.

eh, 20pockeys,utensils and marshmallows very heavy. almost broke my hand @_@ !
found rishiiy and headed to jing's house. left my extra clothes at jing's house as we're staying over
at venus' house after outing ^^' . stoled jing's domokun and force it into my bag F3.
took the drinks, foods and utensils and headed to fairprice. got the guys to carry everything to 7-11
first while me and jing went to get batteries for my camera :D.
okays, I can't find my cam's cable so yeah. Pics cant be uploaded YET.
Give me a few weeks time, gonna get another cable wahahaha. sorry szemin, jing and venus :D

Okays, met everyone @ 7-11 . Bought slurpee while waiting for nobody. o_o
we thought there would be more peepos but nah, we're waiting for no one . LOL .
so, head down to interchange and bought bus 969 IF I never remember wrongly.
stupid venus ate otah on the bus LOL. the smell was sooo. -.-''''''
Okays, wei chek, izatti and sofia ate nuggets too. psssst . should fine them xD !

went off at stg36 and walked some distance to a underground tunnel xD .
then we arrived at ecp alr duh . left our bag and food, utensils and games on the bench table,
jing and i went to mac to get drinks while others stayed to look after the belongings.
thens we went to the bicycle rental there to find keith and weichek they all .

Forced keith to rent the 2 person bike cause I think it'll be fun heheheee.
so me and keith rent the 2person bike, jing and ruiqi , venus and qianling xD .
weichek solo (loner) izatti and sofia dunno go where o.o

so we rode the bike awhile and went back to the bench to realise that all our belongings are gone
except for some food LOL! panicked . spam call rishiiy and jieyin as they were taking care of
our belongings cause they dunwanna ride bike . xD then they dunwan pick up ):
SO, we made up random conclusions like they were raped and kidnapped F3.
stupid weichek -.-' lmao. had a great time luh basically. thens finally jieyin picked up.
they were at a shelter with our bags LOL. then okays, went to find them.

hehe, i was walking halfway when i noticed that IT'S REALLY A VERY VERY VERY LONG DISTANCE. And i basically emo-ed because I was the only one walking away F3
cause I dunwan help take the bigbig stuffs, very heavy. :x so i just took the twistie snacks
and walk T-T then i realise it's a very very long journey T_T walk till halfway, keith came
to my rescue! F3 no lahs, actually is cause they going there also. then see me walking lala.
then so he "drove" me there LOL. woots. ^^'

thens, we played poker. ate while waiting for our dear Mdm rita lalalaaaa.
thens me and jing rode our bike to find mdm rita cus she called to say she've arrived . o_o
awesome xD . she bought her maid and her child and her child's cousin F3F3 !!!

thens we escort her to our shelter xD ! ate the food she prepared (beehoon etcetc )
and played with sand ~ feel so young lalala .
then we played with frisbee and chubby bunny .
vs jing and venus for chubby bunny. I won woots . :D nerd peepos . ~_~
thens vs keith next and i still win HAHAHAHA.
actually, I cheated LOL! cause the marshmallows melted in my mouth and i jus swallow them .
LOL . Ima such a pro cheater xD .

alrights. then soon have to return bike alr. ): so yeah, jing "drove" me back also xD
we were competing with venus to see who will reach first F3 .
THEN, jing saw one shuaige I THINK f3 then she didnt' see the side of the pavement
and BAM! we fell down T_T .
okay, i think the way we fell down was very cute LOL! cause we're like. OH NO!!
-got balanced- , phew we're not gonna fall. and
AHHH. -boomzxc-

\we fell . -.- okays, I hurt my kneecap . @_@ It's bloody lala . @_@
thens return le, wash wound then slowly walk back to shelter :x
thens we continued playing with seawater and sand. frisbee and i forget le la.
thens mdm rita, izatti, sofia, qianling, ruiqi, jieyin gtg . so yeah. left me, venus, jing, rishiiy, keith
and weichek . so we escort them to mdm rita's car then went back xD
We saw rainbow. o.o huge one !
thens went to pack up at shelter . was around 7pm then . played true or dare and concentration .
the forfeited one has to do a dare / true LOL .

thens we played till 8.30 like that. packed and went back.
took bus back to cwp , keith went home and the rest of us went to take neos . :D
thens weichek went home . there's only jing me and venus left :D so, jing went to fairprice
to help her mum buy sugar i think . i bought apple juice woots .
proceeded back to jing's house . took our belongings and waited for venus' parents to come fetch us XD
went to her house, shower-ed and had our "girls-talk" till 1 or 2am LOL! totally lost track of time.
thens slept. got woken up at 9 and went home :D .

slept awhile and went to meet alyssa they all for our PE project . it was raining heavily . had macs and
they came to my house for the proj . :} enjoyed the day .
played with ipodt after done with out vids . ^^' thens they went home . slept abit more till 6pm and went out .
went home at 9pm like that and on maple play . :D fell sick . @_@ ahhhhh .

thens the next day went to tampines to collect contacts . didn't meetup with alyssa they all . sorry ah .
so yeah. rest at home for the next one week . :\ mapling and rotting . ._______.'

thens school reopened . no mass run on monday woots . received our new time tables and
had lessons . something like that luhs . very boring de . no nid elaborate xD !
then guaiguai went to band loh . got one bitch keep talk about me , jiaqi , carmen and chaolei lo.
you know who you are lorh -.- dog d yao si zzz . dare whisper dun dare say infront of me . hum .

total slack in band cus seniors practicing for speech day luh . rock can ! ^^' . super shuang f3 .
then when teacher come in, we pretend to practice. LOL! laugh die .

thens tues had PE . took heigh and weight . stupid cher say me never tuck in then make me run
jingyi, cherlynn and some guys also kena . please lor . almost everyone never tuck in leh .
only kp us -.- . then the ppl infront see us kena caught le faster fold their shirt lmao .
had my height and weight taken . 150cm and 40kg . ._.' guess I cant grow anymore zzz .
stuck at 149/150cm dunno how long le . obviously grew fatter F3 . was 37/38kg last sem .
now 40 le LOL! im so proud -.- not . ._.

thens idk what else le . oh , went to mac with chaolei and jiale . had lunch and slacked abit .
then went home and sleep . xD .

wednesday was boring . no nid for elaboration . didn't went for band .

thursday morning also quite boring luh . forget what happen alr .
after school went to mac with alyssa and delanie  they all . then went to collect wallets .
thens watch eclipse . lazy elaborate . but something like that lahs . thens went home . ^^'

yesterday had our first home econ . so boring de that cher . -.-
ask us do workbook . no teach anything . bleh !
thens after school, changed into PE. did class duty and went off to find jing, eunice and venus .
found jing at civics mac . eunice and venus went home to change first before coming .
so we ordered first . wait for them then eat . :D

slack there for 3hours i think . from 1 to 4 . eunice they all come at 1.30 like that .
thens went around to look for 3rd month present . but idk what to get for baby . :\
then after bumping into him for dunno how many times i finally got inspired F3 !

it's very special la . :D only jing, venus and baby know F3
so ya , got it . ^__^ . then home sweet home next .

got up at 10+ on sat . prepared to go meet baby . then he ask me open door and turn right o_O
then that time i just bath finish lolol . so faster get dressed , combed hair and open door .
then i found a HUGE stitch . :D ! happy . f3 . saw baby sitting on the staircase . lmao - -'
thens went back in . wore contacts and prepared to get out . :D
went to have lunch , slacked awhile and arcade . lol . baby play with guns lmao .
saw jiale playing the car thingy LMAO!
thens went for movie aft that . :D shan't elaborate . we did nothing , for dirty ppls out there, dun think dirty F3
especially you(hehe). you know who you are LOL .
thens we went to get bbt . slacked under the block opposite mine . then home sweet home next .

woots . finally done :D

oh, thanks everyone for the tags! i've return you guys the tags too . tag more yeah . xD