This post shall be my ranting post. so, scram if you don't want to waste your next 5minutes reading this.

Today, I did the most stupid thing that I'll never ever do in my life. But, I did it today. ._.

I cried infront of everbody. Not a few tears, but literally just crying.

Drowned myself with music from Ipodt. I didn't even know how loud I cried .

It last for a freaking 1hr I guess.

I've never felt so... helpless and hopeless before. seriously.

I've lost my confidence. 

I don't understand why doc would say all this. I mean, my tests always improves for these few months.

This week d deprove by 0.1 only. and he can crush all my hopes,confidence and everything.

I set aside so many fking days to go back to kk. To have counselling done . To have __ ____ taken .

The docs and nurses were so friendly . Especially Joyce jiejie . ( not joyce chua, =] )

Eric, valerie, sky kor, kelly jiejie and xin jie. they never failed to make me smile and laugh while

poking needle into my skin. :] .

__  was my doc since 3 yrs old. He was sooo, nice and ambitious or however you spelt it.

Other than milking cow, being a doc who sees ___ patients was one of my choice as well when i was young .

But today, i was very disappoint and hurt by him. Not only did he crashed my hopes, he crash my confidence for myself too.

I don't know how to face you anymore doc. :l ...

I think today was the 1st time you see my cry right infront of you. you must be taken aback.

I used to force a smile when i was about to cry, infront of my friends, parents, everybody.

Today i really got hurt. i cried. infront of you. the 2 new pretty nurse and xin jiejie.

I think what you said is right. I don't think i deserve a life.

I should just vanish from this world. I think others will be happy.

You will have one less patient . you won't feel so stress anymore .

you said i didn't accept the fact that i was diagnose with blablabla .

let me ask you. if i didn't accept, why the hell would i care to come for blood tests. results?

i skipped sch, band for checkups. the dm even called and ask if i was okay . i had to explain...

you hurt me alot.

im giving up on myself le i guess.. no more confidence to continue. hopes failed.

goodbye me.. idw to care for anything abt .. anymore.

just . let . it . be .

it's god decision . this .. is for a lifetime .