I guess, you're still you even if there's no Michelle by your side. You have your very dependable boyfriend, you don't need me anymore. Maybe, to you, I'm just a "friend" whom can entertain you when you're bored, cheer you up when you're sad, saying "Forget about him, he don't deserve you, there's so many other guys out there. Cheer up. Everything will be okay" , when you're ditched. A friend whom you can gossip with, a friend that you can call, when you're homeless and need a shelter, a friend that you can make use of, a friend that "blanja" you so you wouldn't have to fork out your own money...

I guess I'm really silly aren't I? To rush down and rescue you when you need help, to entertain you with my craps and to "blanja" you so that you wouldn't have to spend too much of your money that you've saved from work. To cheer you up, to gossip, to cry with and to laugh with?

I guess you just don't give a damn. What happened? Why the fish am I becoming so emotional? THIS IS NOT MICHELLE. I HATE THIS FEELING. You said, you feel left out when you're with me and venus, so, I kept on talking to you, venus did the same. I treated you like my sister. Giving you everything I could, not expecting anything in return. But don't you think it's a little bit too much?

After we got separated from primary school, we didn't contact as much as before. But we still worked together to spend time with each other, to continue our close relationship. After some time, I went into relationship with someone. The time spent with you lessen. Then came teck. You were so happy with him for some time, then, you slowly became emotional cause he's too flirty then soon after, you guys broke.

Was having breakfast with someone and his sis when you came to find me. You sat down there and just suddenly, you cried. I was so heartbroken. we tried to cheer you up, but we failed. Then me and venus went to find you when we're free. There you are, crying non-stop cause teck broke with you. I was almost crying with you.. but hey.. I had to cheer this broken heart-ed girl aye.. Did you know, after I went home, I cried because you're so heart broken? no? it's okay.

then soon, Weiting came. he had this dishonest and a rapist look that freaks me out. Then soon after, we started spending lesser time with each other... You became so cold towards me... 

you always put weiting as your first priority.. remember how we used to do stuffs together? no more. more and more awkward silence when we metup. you went for work and i had to go out with venus. After work, weiting would always go and fetch you. 

Then came this day, we, the 4 of us went to waterfront together until 11+pm . Went home and your parents locked you out of the house. you cried and called me. you intend to go venus' house to stay cause it's nearer. But you're scared that auntie would be angry at you. So, I suggest you to come to my house instead. I rushed down and met you at cwp. Your mum called me, and scolded me. She said that I AM BAD. Always make you late go home. 翅膀硬了. your mother was crying and crying. I had to LIE TO YOUR MOTHER that you're with your schoolmates to distress/ have fun, instead of just saying "OH YOU'RE CHILD HAS A BF." You know guilty I was? to lie to your mother?

afew weeks after you got locked out of house, on your way to my house. Your mum called me again. "You're a bad influence. Teach jing all the bad stuffs like staying out late. Always meeting you and spending money. BAD INFLUENCE, next time i see you two tgt, I call police." After her call, I just said "whatever la auntie." and I hung up.

you know how much I cried after hanging up the call? You know the words are really like knifes, stabbing into my heart? I cried and cried. Until you came. I bet you didn't notice that my eyes were red. You said to not mind her words. Try putting yourself in my shoes then. My mum called you up, and said YOU WERE A BAD INFLUENCE and wants you to fuck off from my life. how would you feel?

You came, I forgot what we did, and you went home. and I started crying again. pathetic huh? You don't even seem to notice my sadness. whenever you're "okay", I make sure you're okay. Whenever you need someone, I'm always here. And for this few months? Nov-jan?
Whenever I need you, Whenever I need someone to talk to, where were you? whenever I text you, no replies...

Remember how we used to laugh tgt, cry tgt, bully ppl tgt, have sleepovers, and being there fr each other every time? Remember how people was jealous of our close friendship? remember how people tried to BREAK us up but failed..?

Jing, I'm seriously sick and tired. I need a break. I'm sorry.

--
Venus came down to my house at 8.30pm. I know her well, her mum wouldn't let her out at this timing one. But she still made it. I was out, alone. Reflecting and crying. alone. offed my phone, and just sat down and cried. everything was so blurry.. it feels good to let everything out. I love the place. No people, no cars. nothing. Perfect spot for me. Went home, found a note on my door. was from venus. I was seriously touched. At least there's someone who's there for me... to rush down and comfort me when I'm down... then, venus appeared at my main door. freaked me out. we chat. we had a nice chat. then, we talked about you. Tears just roll down. I don't know why. I tried to laugh, but I end up looking like a sick crying chicken.
What makes you change so much, jing?

Thank you venus. I love you.
Thanks to all the people who tried to contact me via sms/call. Terrence kor, Venus, Zaid, Jeremy and hwoon.
I'm sorry If I did not reply your texts.
Thanks to anyone, who asked me to cheer up. facebook/ msn/ sms / call.



What a disgrace, Michelle... You just showed Venus your pathetic side. Worst still, you totally failed at controlling the emotions. laugh jiu laugh, cry jiu cry. whats this? Crying and laughing, and you failed miserably, and you end up crying again, and again. and again.